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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27305308">A Heart Full of Desire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/knaps_docx/pseuds/knaps_docx'>knaps_docx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Death, Alternate Universe - Splash Free, Angst, Arguing, Idiots in Love, M/M, Punishment, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:48:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27305308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/knaps_docx/pseuds/knaps_docx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The water spilled over his lips, pouring across his cracked skin and onto the sand below his feet. It tasted so good. He was so thirsty. Every cell in his dehydrated body was screaming for reprieve. The days had spanned into something uncountable, and with each passing of the merciless orb in the sky, Haru begged for forgiveness. Unsure of how long it’d been since he had anything to drink, Haru took another handful of water, bringing it to his lips with trembling hands.</p><p>“Drink to your heart’s desire,” Rin whispered, brushing a chilling hand across his cheek. “You’ll be with me soon.”</p><p>Haru didn’t hesitate. Cupping his hands once again, he dumped water into his mouth, his eyes closing to the wonderful feeling of something liquid pouring down his throat. When he opened them, the world was dark. Haru found the night sky above his head, the millions of stars welcoming him with open arms. He was alone, his body cold despite the lingering heat.</p><p>Swallowing dryly, the last ounce of breath escaped Haru’s lungs as he called out Rin’s name.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Heart Full of Desire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a wild ride. That is all.</p><p>Please thank @frillyfujoshiyami for looking over this for me and blame your suffering on @Sapphiresflame!! Happy Halloween!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*** One Week Earlier ***</p><p> </p><p>It was a beautiful sunset; dousing the beige-colored stone a brilliant orange, casting long hues over the tiled floor and disheveled bedsheets. Beyond the bay window, the entire desert spanned until the horizon, as far as the eye could see. However, it paled in comparison to Rin. His maroon hair poured over his bare shoulders and into his soft eyelashes that added to the simplified perfection of his features. Haru brushed an unruly loose strand that refused to belong with the rest and gently tucked it behind Rin’s ear before kissing him tenderly on the cheek, then again against his drumming pulse just below the fair skin of his neck.</p><p>“It’s exquisite, isn't it?” Rin asked, his crimson stare fixated beyond the walls of the palace, his palace. Haru hummed in agreement, planting another kiss against the freckles on his shoulder. He traced a finger along the small of Rin’s back, absentmindedly drawing nothing in particular.</p><p>“Do you ever wonder how many more days we can spend like this?”</p><p>“No,” Haru admitted, pressing his lips against the top of Rin’s spine. It was the truth. Life wasn’t something he thought about often, and he wasn’t going to start worrying about something that was eventually going to unfold the way it wanted whether he liked it or not. He lived as a nomad of the desert. His entire life was subjected to the merciless hand of the sun. Without the moon to guide him through the night, he could stay with Rin. That was all there was to it.</p><p>However, as sultan, Rin’s vision of life was entirely different, yet equally as deadly.</p><p>Shifting between the untidy sheets, Rin rolled himself over, naked buttocks catching the fleeting light swiftly disappearing as the stars began to shine as the predominant light in the moonless sky. Supporting himself on his elbows, he flashed Haru a smile. Dropping his back against the ornate headboard, Haru returned the gesture while running his hands along the definitive line of Rin’s jaw. His feelings were undeniable. In that moment, there was nowhere else Haru wanted to be. </p><p>“Don’t you want more?”</p><p>Rin was referring to life in general, perhaps even at the palace with him. At least Haru thought that was what he meant by his slightly cryptic words. They hadn’t really brought up any long term plans since they were rather comfortable spending a few days every month together. For now, anyway. Their lives were nearly too busy for the constant upkeep a proper relationship would bring. Besides, Rin’s eyes seemed to hide the subtle sparks of desire that would imply he wanted more. Still, Haru couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been hiding it all this time.</p><p>What would he choose if Rin asked for his hand in marriage?</p><p>Dismissing the thought, Haru cheekily replied with a sly grin and an even more devilish, “Yes,” which earned him a swift but playful backhanded slap against his arm from Rin. His skin stung on contact, but it was still worth it. He watched Rin’s skin turn from a warm blush to an intense inferno.</p><p>Crawling onto all fours, Rin approached Haru slowly, seductively, carefully placing his hands on the bed just outside of his hips and his knees between Haru’s partially open legs. He couldn’t believe his frivolous ploy worked. Smile widening, Haru allowed Rin to press his lips against his, forcing him to make advances.</p><p>Rin’s tongue was already flirting with disaster. Curling his fingers into the linen, Haru refused to touch him, too afraid he’d lose this confident version of Rin. Slightly more docile in nature when it came to explicitly sexual acts, Rin chose to take a back seat whereas Haru felt he was usually the one making the first move. Not that it bothered him much, it just made these moments more enjoyable. He greeted it as a wonderful change in pace, and it turned him on even more as he gave himself personal boundaries.</p><p>Rising tall, Rin’s hands followed the length of Haru’s arms, from wrist to shoulder, before gently cupping his neck then crawling into his dark mane. It sent a splay of goosebumps across Haru’s flesh. Rin’s fingers curled into his hair, tilting his head up, deepening their kiss. Moving his lips against Rin’s, Haru’s eyes fluttered closed. A long moan was pulled from his throat as Rin drew away.</p><p>Opening his eyes, he caught Rin in his finest glory. With the light against his back, he looked nearly angelic, fully naked, kneeling between Haru’s legs. Body perfectly chiseled, hardened from the harsh training he underwent daily for potential conflicts, Rin was every bit of the most handsome man Haru had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. That was saying something for someone who's seen both sides of the desert.</p><p>Fully aroused and unable to hold back, Haru reached his hands out and gripped Rin’s hips. Digging his fingertips into his skin, Haru drew Rin closer until he was sitting on his lap. Their erections rubbed together ferally as Rin made sure not to crush Haru underneath his body while grinding against him. Their lips met again as Haru ventured a little further across Rin’s body. He could still feel the oil from the first time. Hands splaying around Rin’s buttcheeks, Haru threatened to push into his opening.</p><p>A quiet moan released from Rin’s lips. It was all the motivation Haru needed as he pushed two fingers in. Rin’s stifled breath ghosted Haru’s face, momentarily breaking apart from their embrace sheerly because of the intensity. He was already loosening up, his body remembering Haru mercilessly pounding him against the bed hours prior, but he was also hypersensitive.</p><p>“I want you,” Rin whispered, taking Haru’s lips again. Pulling away briefly, he amended his comment by saying, “I need you.”</p><p>Haru didn’t grace him with a reply. Raising Rin’s body up, Haru eased himself in. Forgoing his initial decision to hold back, Haru was no longer interested in waiting for anything other than feeling Rin consume him. Quivering from the swallowing sensation slowly encroaching, Haru took note of how sensitive his own cock was from their earlier activities. The moment Rin hit his testicles, Haru moaned. Loudly. He was in fully. Dropping his forehead against Rin’s chest, Haru breathed in sharply, taking in his sweet smell that reminded him of the ocean.</p><p>“Fuck,” Rin breathed, pressing his lips against the top of Haru’s head.</p><p>Exactly.</p><p>Rin moved first, leaning slightly back and using his grip on the headboard as support. He dropped a hand onto Haru’s thigh as he raised and lowered his hips, meeting Haru halfway. Their bodies slapped rhythmically together creating a sensual atmosphere around them. Groaning from the gratifying pleasure, Haru placed his lips against one of Rin’s nipples, nursing it before gently closing his teeth around it. It immediately caused Rin to drop his head back and moan. Upon his return, their eyes met. Rin’s were dark in the unabating light from the vista, but they were burning with desire.</p><p>Haru pulled him closer, their lips pressing together. Rin slowed his pace, too focused on attempting to please Haru all on his own. It was a lot to handle, Haru gave him that. He was doing an excellent job. For added measure, Haru thrusted his hips, jerking Rin into taking a sharp intake of breath as he hit places he could barely reach before.</p><p>“Not funny,” Rin mused after hearing Haru’s breathy laugh. He couldn’t remove the smile from his own lips, however, and it was just the invitation Haru needed.</p><p>The line was officially crossed.</p><p>Pushing off the bed, Haru tacked Rin against the sheets. For a brief moment he stared into his crimson irises. They were silently begging for more; ‘Ravage me.’  Turning his body so he was straddling one leg, Haru lifted Rin’s other and began incessantly humping him into the mattress. It drew out guttural moans from both parties which only fueled his movement even more.</p><p>Haru had, rather pleasantly, already discovered Rin’s favorite position and where he liked to be touched and could feel when he was getting close. There was still a lot to learn about his sultan duties, and what Rin did during the day when he disappeared for long hours only to return, begging to forget about the last several hours. They’d drink wine, talk about nothing, and the night usually ended like this; unearthing their darkest secrets in the best possible way. After a few days, Haru would be back on the road again. It was their life, their normal.</p><p>And, currently, Haru had no motivation to change it.</p><p>Rin’s body began to tense. He was close. Lowering his leg so he could grip his cock, Haru ran his hand up and down the entire shaft in time with his own hips, guiding Rin to the finish. There wasn’t a lot to release, knowing he’d already soiled a part of the linens earlier, but Haru let him ride his orgasm for as long as he could before allowing himself to come. Body trembling, Haru slowly pulled out and dropped onto the bed beside Rin, completely out of breath.</p><p>They were facing each other, but Haru could barely keep his eyes open as a few residual spasms coursed through his body, wreaking havoc on muscles he hadn’t used since last month. He was exhausted but fully satisfied, pleased with his work. The only doubt still clinging to the back of his mind was whether Rin enjoyed it too. Hoping he’d get a candid response, Haru heard Rin shift.</p><p>“Haru?” he asked, his voice quiet as the sun officially dipped below the horizon.</p><p>Trying his best to focus, he hummed, letting Rin know he was listening regardless.</p><p>“Will you spend forever with me?”</p><p>“Sure,” he replied, fighting off a yawn.</p><p>“Like, here, in the palace...as my husband.”</p><p>Every ounce of fatigue evaporated as Haru’s body turned cold. Eyes widening in shock, he met Rin’s gaze, soft, sweet, still mellow from the sex. He wasn’t upset with Haru’s initial reaction. The question was genuine. What did he expect Haru to say? How did he expect him to react? Just like this?</p><p>“No,” Haru replied, watching Rin slowly push himself up into a seated position. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes.</p><p>“Why not?” Rin asked, his voice rattled.</p><p>It was enough to make Haru hesitate briefly before answering. “Isn’t this enough?” He knew the answer already.</p><p>Rin rolled off the bed. He crossed the room to grab his silk robe which he swiftly pulled taught around his waist. When he turned back to Haru, he looked upset. Stomach dropping in a very unsettling way, Haru pulled himself up into a seated position to better get a look at him. He never wanted Rin to feel like he wasn’t listening when this topic was clearly important to him. Realizing his hunch from earlier was correct, Haru also noticed he found the answer he didn’t take a moment to consider then. Maybe that’s why he dismissed the thought so quickly. Because, deep down, he knew he would say no.</p><p>“Haru, please be honest with me. I’m being serious.”</p><p>“As am I,” Haru replied, suddenly feeling a chilly draft despite the heat pouring off of the stone.</p><p>“I want you to marry me.”</p><p>“You want me to want to marry you,” Haru corrected, sliding to the edge of the bed, pulling the sheets around his body. “You want me to stay with you, caged within the walls of this palace?”</p><p>“It’s not a cage,” Rin began, cutting himself off. That was a conversation they’d already had multiple times before, and he wasn’t so unwise to continue down that warpath. He already knew how it would end.</p><p>If Haru had to be honest, he liked Rin’s palace. It was spacious, ornate, beautifully decorated and constructed, and the view was phenomenal. There were people to do everything for him if he wanted and nothing simply by waving his wrist. It was a life anyone with an ounce of sense would’ve happily settled for. Yet, to Haru, it still felt like a prison. For someone who had spent his entire life traveling, sitting in one place felt wrong. It wasn’t a mental barrier that would be easy enough to pass through with time, something deep in Haru’s core despised the idea of settling down.</p><p>Even if it was with the right person.</p><p>“Rin,” Haru breathed, getting up to meet him. His bare feet padded across the tile, echoing in the silence. “I love you. I want to stay with you forever, but I can’t be confined here for the rest of my life. You know that.” Haru reached a hand to comfort him but Rin backed off severely. It was startling.</p><p>“Can’t you do this for me?” he glowered.</p><p>This was turning ugly faster than Haru anticipated.</p><p>“What do you want me to say?” Haru asked, turning his eyes to meet Rin’s unsettling gaze again. It was a loaded question, bound to stir the pot, ruffle his feathers, rile him up. Haru had no right to ask it, especially to the sultan, but he couldn’t help but wonder exactly what it was that Rin wanted. He’d been hiding the idea of marriage for quite some time. Haru knew it meant a lot to him, so the idea didn’t come overnight. Only, Haru wasn’t expecting him to ask so soon, or ask at all for that matter.</p><p>“Yes,” Rin admitted rashly, turning to his vanity where he took a seat on the velvet cushion. Dropping his head into his hands, he let out a low sigh. “I wanted you to say yes.”</p><p>“My answer is no,” Haru repeated, perhaps, looking back, a little too harshly.</p><p>Rin eyed him cautiously. There was something fierce in his gaze. Haru physically took a step back, wondering where all of the intense emotion had come from or where it had been stored. It was unlike anything Haru ever witnessed from Rin, despite the arguments, despite the disagreements; he was a whole new animal.</p><p>Right now, if Haru had to venture a guess, Rin was acting as sultan.</p><p>He swallowed dryly, suddenly unsure of the waters between them. Questioning his every move up until this moment, Haru determined he might’ve taken a slight misstep earlier, causing this beast to be released. However, it wasn’t exactly easy to tell either. This wasn’t a side of Rin he knew very well. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know, or didn’t ask, it was because he didn’t have the time. Rin knew that as well as Haru.</p><p>Rin was on his feet in seconds, clearing the space between them. Their lack of high difference made it impossible to avoid his deadly stare. Backing away slowly, Rin gripped onto Haru’s wrist, tightening his hand so Haru couldn’t pull away. In a way, he was frightening, in another, Haru didn’t want to miss any details, of his face, of his motions, or his choice in words. This side of Rin was terrifyingly fascinating, raw, and untouched.</p><p>This was what it meant to be a sultan.</p><p>“I implore you to reconsider,” he threatened, at least it sounded like one.</p><p>Haru bit his lip feeling the strain on his wrist. “No.”</p><p>“Haru,” Rin said again. “For me. Please.”</p><p>If it happened to be a stranger in front of him, Haru would’ve been more inclined to say yes. But because he knew Rin, he knew there was still a softness behind his eyes. Still, his request put Haru in a difficult place. There were too many thoughts flying through his head at once. He couldn’t decipher the best route to take. Should he say yes despite his origin, despite everything he knew and loved? Or should he say no, anger Rin further and possibly ruin what they had? Was there even a choice to be made at this point?</p><p>Looking Rin in the eye, Haru said, “No.”</p><p>Rin blew a fuse, at least, Haru thought he did. The grip on his wrist tightened significantly. Unsure where all of the anger and torment had come from, he found his body being thrown toward the ground. Haru wasn’t really sure what happened. There was a moment where he was certain Rin was standing above him, looking enraged. But then he wasn’t, like he vanished out of thin air.</p><p>Blinking away his blurry vision, Haru tried to process everything that had happened. Basically attributing the strange event to blacking out under extreme stress, his body often reacted on its own in times of peril. Haru had little say over the matter; it was an extreme flight or fight reflex grown over his time crossing the desert. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to him, though, it had been some time since the last incident. Nearly all the men in his caravan had been killed. Not his only lover getting a little too angry over something so petty.</p><p>Heart rattling beneath his ribcage, Haru tried to calm his pulse. He first noticed his position in the room had changed drastically. He was no longer at the foot of the bed. He had somehow crossed the room and was crumpled in a heap by Rin’s vanity. Daring to survey the rest of the space, Haru’s eyes fell on Rin, lying motionless, next to where Haru had hit the floor.</p><p>Scrambling to his feet, Haru stumbled across the room, flinging himself onto the tile. His foot slipped on something liquid. Heart in his throat, he rolled Rin over to get a better look at his face. Somehow, some way, he must’ve fallen and hit his head. </p><p>No. That wasn’t right.</p><p>Haru pushed him out of fear and he fell, hitting his head.</p><p>This was all Haru’s fault.</p><p>“Rin?” Haru cried, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Frantically checking for a pulse, he somehow just noticed the blood. It was everywhere, pouring into the grout of the tile, expanding its width at an impossible speed. “Rin?!”</p><p>“Haru?” came his reply. It was weak. Too weak.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Haru lamented, already knowing the answer as he tried to find the source of the bleeding. His fingers sunk into a crater on the back of Rin’s skull. He must’ve hit the corner of the bedpost. Cursing, Haru pulled Rin into his lap, cradling him in his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>Haru was sobbing. The tears refused to stop. They poured over his skin and onto Rin’s tainted robe, mixing with the blood readily soaking into the fabric. There had to be something he could do, but nothing was coming to mind. Head trauma wasn’t exactly an easy fix like a broken leg or arm was. This needed a doctor, a serious one, that was well outside the palace walls.</p><p>Begging to every known deity he could think of, every god the people he knew worshiped, even fate herself, Haru dropped his head onto Rin’s chest, feeling his slowing heartbeat.</p><p>“Stay with me,” he begged, clinging onto his body. “Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry.”</p><p>A warm hand gently brushed his cheek. “It’s okay.” The words were barely over a whisper. “It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. I’m sorry...I’m sorry for everything.”</p><p>“No,” Haru spat, “Rin. I’m sorry. Please stay with me. I’ll do anything. Please.”</p><p>“Marry me?” Rin asked with a smile as his body fell limp in Haru’s arms. A single breath escaped his lips, wheezing into the night air, disappearing into nothing.</p><p>Haru didn’t know how long he sat there, squeezing onto his body, screaming into the void. Minutes could’ve been hours; hours could've been days. The only thing he honestly remembered was the sight of Rin’s sister discovering them, and the look on her face as she realized what happened. Someone had ripped Rin’s body from his hands, someone else forced him to get dressed and cleaned up. No matter how much they scrubbed his hands, he could still see the ghastly sight of Rin’s blood caking his skin.</p><p>There was probably a funeral. Haru didn’t remember any of it. He couldn’t say for sure if he was in attendance or not. The only thing he remembered was staring out the bay window a sunrise or two later, pleading for his life to be exchanged to bring Rin back into the world. It was then he started walking. With no destination in mind, Haru followed the mounds of sand across the desert. He left without saying a word, he left without saying goodbye. Who would he even talk to? Who did he even want to see? Who would want to witness the last of his failing emotions as he hit rock bottom?</p><p>For days he traveled through the blistering heat and the darkness of the moonless nights. Even when his feet were bleeding from the friction and his body had run out of water to continue his quest, Haru pushed on, knowing he couldn’t stop until he found Rin again. Maybe it was a fit punishment for the wrongs he’d committed in his lifetime, maybe it wasn’t, but the moment he felt the sand against his face, he knew his day of reckoning was coming, and it still wasn’t soon enough.</p><p>“Haru,” he heard his name being called with a teasingly disappointed flare. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Rin.</p><p>Haru had finally found him. Heart lurching, he couldn’t find the strength to answer. Prying his crusted eyes open he searched through the darkness for the origin, Haru was desperate to get a glimpse of the only person he truly cared about, the one he lost, the one he couldn’t live without. Mouth dry, he found himself surrounded by water in the intense daylight. As if he weighed nothing, his body was floating on the surface of a lush oasis, comfortable and cooled in the shade of a tall palm.</p><p>I came for you.</p><p>“Drink, Haru,” he heard Rin say, picturing him as he shook his head with a smile.</p><p>Feet hitting the bottom of the spring, Haru cupped his hands together, bringing the liquid to his lips. There was nothing in the world that tasted as divine as that water. Haru grabbed more, feeling his body begging for reprieve from the endless hell he’d been subjecting himself to. Tears welled in his eyes as the liquid poured over his cracked and blistered skin.</p><p>I’m sorry, Rin.</p><p>“Drink to your heart’s desire,” Rin whispered. He was close, so close. Haru could feel his supple fingers brushing a chilling hand across Haru’s cheek. Rin had appeared in front of him at last, his crimson eyes comforting and warm as if he was truly standing before him, like no time had passed, like nothing had happened at all. “You’ll be with me soon.”</p><p>Through his tears, Haru cupped his hands for more water. With Rin’s help, his trembling arms were brought back to his lips, pouring the liquid down his throat. The chill it created spread throughout Haru’s body to the far reaches of his appendages sending goosebumps tumbling across his flesh.</p><p>If you ask me again, I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. I didn’t see it then. I was naïve.</p><p>Rin took his hand and gently caressed Haru’s jawline with the other. Leaning in, Rin’s lips pressed against his own. The wants and desires he once knew so well came flooding back. All of his hopes and dreams, all of his incessant wishes and needless goodbyes. He had a life some people could only dream about, and when the chance came to make it better, he senselessly denied it. He was nothing short of a simple-minded fool, lost in the desert, dying as he wished to be with the one person he wanted to spend forever with. Nothing else mattered to him anymore. At what point did he lose his way? When did he decide life wasn’t worth living without Rin?</p><p>“I love you, Haru,”</p><p>When Haru opened his eyes, the world was dark. They found the night sky above his head, the millions of stars welcoming him with open arms. He was alone, his body cold despite the lingering heat, yet he could still feel Rin’s presence lying next to him, squeezing his hand, easing him into the world beyond.</p><p>I love you too...</p><p>Swallowing dryly, the last ounce of breath escaped Haru’s lungs as he whispered, “Rin.”</p>
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